MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO!!!!!!I SEE BUT WHATTA DO?

My box that was holding my pet fire ants broke.. so im running around the house trying to find em all..
My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...
My dog ran away with my keyboard and I'm out trying to catch him.
My dog thinks I'm crazy. I'll be back when I'm done arguing with him.
My dogs head is stuck in the door! Wait! I don't have a dog so once I figure out what is stuck in the door I'll get back to you.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
My lawyer has told me to reply "no comment" as to my current whereabouts.
My pants are burning.....
My pants are burning? Should I take them off?
My parole officer needs to use the computer.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.
Never take advice from somebody else. - somebody else
Nice Monologue %n .. Just Keep On...
Note: Away messages are not accessible through AOL Instant Messenger.
Oh I'm sorry this isn't (your name), it's the AOL support line...the wait to speak to an attendant is 4 days, 3 hours, and 5.9 seconds, but please wait...your call is very important to us...thanx and have a nice day!
Oh no! The commercials are true! The slim jim man really is alive and he is in my stomache flirting with my cupcake!
Oh shut up already, stop your whining - God
OHHH. Shiny object. So pretty............
ok ppl it's time to think outside the box this is the box [] u need to be here []
Okay I'm back now, what did I miss? Oh shit! - God
Okay, I have an idea. How about I just put up an away message, and make it seem like I have a life, even though I'm probably sitting at the computer... rocking back and forth, humming the theme to Sesame Street...
OMG! %n just ran into a pole...This may take a while?
On my way to my computer I went to sit down but missed the chair, fell on my head and dropped unconscious. And when I came to this away message came up. So leave a message. Oh, and can you tell %n that I found his underwear.
Only fools leave away messages.
Only stalkers look at other people's away messages!
Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes.
Out playing hide-and-go-seek with bin ladin...EVERYONE HELP ME FiND HIM!!!
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
People that scan away messages for entertainment are pathetic. Let me know if you find any good ones.
Pet Food Only - Not For Human Congestion
Picking the fuzz off my sock, be back when I'm done.
Play Boy has done Girls of Wal-Mart & Girls of McDonald's ... If playboy was to do a "Girls of My AIM Buddy List" ...Who would participate?
Please hold for the next avalible represenative... that would be me, but I am not here so please continue to hold.
Please leave a message at the beep. If you don't hear a beep please leave!
Please read this away message then go away.
Probably the most depressing thing in the world is having to do homework... Well, no, actually. There are probably lots of things more depressing than homework. Like running over a cute puppy dog. --------Im sorry i jumped to conclusions so quick and said that homework was the most depressing thing. ------- It still sucks, though.
Procrastination is the thief of time... I'll finish this away message some other time.
Quick! Everyone IM %n!
Real Men of Genius. Today I salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out living college life, you are at home reading about it on your computer. Right-mouse-clicking and Getting Buddy Info, or even using the little Info icon at the bottom of your Buddy List. Sure there are people on your list that you haven't talked to in years, and would probably consider you a stalker for keeping them there, but that doesn't stop you from reading their away messages...EVERY DAY. So click open a fresh new Buddy Info window, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer...because you never know when someone will be back.
Remember, %n, that when someone annoys you it takes 32 muscles in your faceto frown, but only 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mofo upside the head.:-D
Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
Right now I'm dancing in front of a full length mirror in spiderman underwear. I could really use some music....
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Right now,i'm sitting on my couch,watching t.v., eating,and getting fat.........no surprise there!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't. I suck at poetry, and creative away messages, so leave me one if it's important.
Roses are redViolets are blueSome away messages rhyme, and some don't.
Rules of me:
#1. i am always right
#2, just in case i am wrong see rule #1
Running around robbing banks all whacked out on scooby snacks.
Save the trees, Nuke the whales!
Say this real fast.
I am we todd did.
Sofa king we todd did.
Screw Hotsauce...I'm the hottest stuff on this earth! ;-)
Shhh, I was never here...
Shhhhh! I'm hiding from %n...Damn! How did you find me??
Shhhhhh..........Im tring to avoid %n......dont tell them though.........OMG, how did you find me?!
Since the world is going to end in about 5 minutes..how bout me and you confess our love to each other and make love on my couch?
Sitting in a corner thinking about what I have done.
Smart people like me don't use away messages... I am so smart!
Somebody told me to change my away message so I did.
Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.
Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut to refrain from sounding stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Sometimes my mind wanders...but I can't get it back... Don't worry you can still talk to me.
Soory my cat has the mouse?
Sorry I am being Chased by 6 Penguins and they seem to want my ButterFinger but damnit they can't have it. So I will be back after I have run them over with my Barbie Car.
Sorry, I only listen to the little voices inside my head...
Sorry, I'm not here right now. Feel free to talk to the computer as long as you like. I'll get back to you later.
Sory speelcheck isnt werking so my speling isnt up too par...
Sry my cat has the mouse...........
Standing on train tracks, don't worry, a train won't hi..
Suicide Hotline... please hold
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
Take a few chances you wish you had later, live life a little more, fear a little less, and remember, When life gives you lemons, throw them back and tell life to MAKE ITS OWN DAMN LEMONADE!
Talking to me while i'm away is like talking to a deaf person and expecting results.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast.
thats right ladies, I'm optimizing my hardrive, :-* don't all call at once Grrrrrr
The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.
The Only thing worse than people who keep themselves up to date by reading the away messages are those who leave the long detailed messages of where they are. I got news for you no one cares!!
The owner of this screen name is away from the computer right now; you are talking to their older brother; Please feel free to tell me all your juicy secrets though....
The screen name "%n" currently has a virus. If you are in contact with this name please notify AOL immediatly.
The screen name "%n" currently has a virus. If you are in contact with this name please notify your service provider immediately.
The sky was dark, The moon was high, We were alone, just her and I, Her hair was brown, her eyes were too I knew just what she wanted to do, So with my courage I did my best, I placed my handupon her breast, I trembled and shook and felt her heart, Slowly she spread her leags apart, I knew she was ready, But I didnt know how, It was my first try, At milking a cow.
The voices inside my head, don?t like you. So go away!
The word of the day is "legs" I'll go spread the news
The world is coming to an end. Please log off
The zoo called....they want you back in the cages with the other monkeys!!
There are 3 kind of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count. Which of the three are you?
There are three things I hate in this world: 1) Lame away messages. 2) People who can't count.
There is a smurf at my door and i have many questions to ask him...like what color his face turns when he holds his breath...bb when i'm done!
There's a light at every tunnel, just pray it?s not a train.
Think about it? Will they ever give the Tricks bunny some cereal? " Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!" or leave the leprochon alone?" they stole me lucky charms!" Life is just not fair! Even the bunnies get screwed!
Think of it this way...I dont want to talk to you.
This away message is here to keep you company.
This away message with self-destructed in: 5 4 3 2 1 Just Kidding!
This is (your sreen name): If you are the credit card company, I already sent the money. If you are one of my friends, you owe me money. If you are female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
This is a sad and funny away message. The sad thing is you're IMing me expecting me to read your message and return. The funny thing is that I'm at my computer desk laughing the whole thing up right now.
This is a sad and funny away message. The sad thing is you're IMing me thinking that I'm going to respond and the funny thing is that I'm sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen rolling on the floor laughing watching you IM me.
This is you know who at you know where. Please leave a you know what after the you know what. I think you know how...
This place reeks of evil. Either that, or it's sausage... Nope, I'm pretty sure it's evil.
Tickets to a Brittney concert: $54hockey mask: $14a dozen eggs: $3egging America's pop-princess: priceless
Tip of the Day: Don't waste your life sitting at the computer reading away messages.
To see your future, look below...

Some person called (your screen name)will be back in a couple minutes!
Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they're up to (borderline stalking). So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mouse Pad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change.
TV is god, And im praying...
Two beers $7. Three margaritas $15. Four Jello shots $20. Taking home the girl who drank all of the above....PRICELESS
Two words guys hate... don't & stop unless you put them together!
Uhhhhhh...................
UUUUHHHHHHH I'M PATRICK...........You know I'm watching Spongebob silly.
Walking the dog, will be back when he is finished.
Warning! Do not read, classified information below:I am away from my computer right now.
WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy.
-Warning label on a fax machine
WARNING: Cannot locate away message, please restart your computer and try back in 365 days.
Warning: Do not drink battery acid. May cause burning sensation in mouth and throat. If already congested please consult your doctor immediately or contact the poisons information hotline
Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tires, especially while the bike is moving.Our lawyers made us put these warnings in. -In a manual for a motorcycle
We are all born cold, wet, and hungry... Then things get worse.
Welcome to the ool.
...notice there is no 'P'..lets keep it that way.
What do I look like, a news channel?
What if the hokey pokey is real? What's it all about? Will we have to turn ourselves around?
When all is said and done more is said than done.
When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.